time for change

         In every ones life change comes weather we want it to or not and right now its time for my life to change. My husband is getting discharged and now its time for life to change for all of us, starting with finding jobs or going to school, maybe even both. Which means less time with baby girl, it makes me wonder if she will resent us for what life has brought. Weather we will be lucky and get jobs that will provide us with what we need to survive.
     Being as it is a season for the unexpected i can only hope that with that good fortune comes our way.i can only hope that we will be lucky enough for one of us to get a job and then the other. 

   But on a happier note the winter solstice is  on its way which means that Christmas is just around the corner so we got our tree out and its done thank goodness yay and baby girl put the topper on the tree..

faith

well hmm i think its been about a week since i last blogged and i find that in some strange way it helps me.... lol 

So i was looking at my stats and i found that i had a lot of page views on my finding faith in this world..but i have come to recetly learn that faith is not always in a god per-say but rather in ones self to become what they want instead of wishing on a star. There are alot of good people out in the world but who says they all are christian calthoic or jewish or any of the other main stream religions. I have found out that to have faith in a deity that one must have some faith in them self's other wise we wouldnt have faith in the first place. if am wrong please correct me but if life gives you a chance to live why not have a bit of faith that it was for a reason.

If faith and life were so different why would we even be alive we must have faith that our child will come out all right and even the child doesnt do we love them any less? i think not being as we had faith they would be alright and as long as we at least get to know them then why not have a little faith that one day for those who have angel babies that one day and i hope soon that they will have a perfect child. i might be a little of course today but am finally writing whats in my heart!

i think that if we as people have trust and love then we can be better and make a better world by having faith in our selfs and trusting that we as one will make it better and in the end we will thank our god/goddess for the strength although it was really us all along with a little guidance.

so my advice is be your self and have faith that you will be accepted!

life

well its been awhile but am back i have done some soul searching, i found out that i seem to like the healthier food to me its like super yummy. lol. As of late i have found myself and i will never let some one bring me down let alone another mom who thinks she knows more or will judge me for who i am and who i chose to be... Ok so that was off topic but lol its life.

so like i said i have found my self or at least i have more sense to not let some one get to me. As for my life as an army wife well that has gotten more changeling my husband is deployed and am alone with my daughter who is getting to become some little brat i dont know!but than again she will be three in about five and a half months so that is great!! 

and some times am lucky and i get to hear his voice which lights up my day but the bed is still cold at night (even though its over 100)but i am pretty sure some of you know what i mean.... but at least i dont have to steal back the covers from him at night... 

A few months ago he came home for r&r, we went to the beach it was baby girls first time ever going to the beach... she had a blast but so did i and daddy.. but daddy forgot her sunblock which ended in a bad sun burn for all of us... but luckily my dad lives near the beach so he saved us well my step mom did although i will never look at vinager the same way again.... we had to spray our bodies with it man did it stink but in the long run it helped.

The very next day we went to Disneyland all sunburnt and only lasted about four hours total which really sucked.but after we rested we felt better and went back later that night which was fun and it felt good to rest for sure. than later we went back to las vegas and got tattoos that celebrated our baby girls birth(over two years later)...  

as for the pictures on the blog they are of my daughter my husband me and my tattoos

pride

Ok so its been awhile but i was ran off by some one saying i was white trash which hurt but that doesnt matter am ok now. So now i will be myself from now on  I am proud to be who i am. I have heard people say life is what you make it now am gonna make it the best i can for me and my family. Starting with me am going back to school online but am gonna do it and i know i can i will make it.

As of right now its all talk i will prove it to myself that i can make it.. I will make myself do it am proud and i have pride. 
My husband is now deployed and i miss him but he came home for r&r we went to Disneyland and my baby girl got to see tinkerbell and another fairy. After she had visited the beach and got a really bad sunburn i felt so bad for her, but mommy and daddy got one as well it hurt just as bad and lasted longer lucky little girl..... 
 

life as an army wife: Its not ok : rape

life as an army wife: Its not ok : rape: "This is a touchy subject for me but I feel like i must touch on it... when i was younger i was raped.. not going in to detail but i know tha..."

Its not ok : rape

This is a touchy subject for me but I feel like i must touch on it... when i was younger i was raped.. not going in to detail but i know that to this day i still feel like it is my fault.. if i had done this... if i had been better... if i was loved by god he would have protected me..All of these reasons flew through my head apart from one. . . ITS NOT YOUR FAULT...

Its almost been nine years since it had happened.. the man i was raped by is/was family , i had asked him what was sex. I had always asked questions and done what i could to better understand things and at that point in time in my life i wanted to know more about sex.. said man had apologized after it but continued to do it every time i saw him weather it be with his fingers or other parts. he claimed that demons made him do it to me and in my mind i had thought what he said was true and i never told a soul until i met my real mom i had thought most of my life that my aunt was my mom until i took since then i figured it out, and they all finally told me..

At first i felt this uncontrollable rage than i felt like the floor had just fallen from my feet... but i think most of all i felt relief for me this was a new start so for my 13th birthday i asked if said family could find her i only hoped that she would want me and my brother and would give me a reason for her leaving me and my brother.

i got kicked out of where i was staying so i had to move in with her and when i told her she was so mad that some one had touched me and i finally heard those words its not your fault... although i heard the words i did not feel it.. my mom told my dad and he said no way could said person do that she must be lying u do know that is all she does... but at least i had one person who believed me and that helped she asked if i wanted to go after him i felt like if i did i would lose my dad my brother and i would lose a part of my self. to this day i have not pushed going after him i felt like it was to late and no one believed me any ways so what was the point...

I realize the point was closer to the world of pain said man had brought upon me, the only justice i have is that he is dieing of some form of lung disease but to me that is not enough but i will take what i can ..i now know that rape will mess some one up so bad they will try to kill them self's i was one of them... i have learned allot in the past 9 years but one was to move forward but never forget the past cause some times it shapes us to who we will become and if we try to change for the better we might end up helping some one else in the process..

Some of what i have learned was from my family some from friends and some  from my husband who has seen me at one of my worst times in my life..

I want to send out love to all those who have been affected by rape even if u dont report it please get help for your not the victem but know some one who was it could mean the difference between being a good friend and being a great friend who saved a life...

life as an army wife: children grow to fast

life as an army wife: children grow to fast: "sorry i have not been on in the last couple of days I broke my computer well its actually a laptop but any ways since than I have started po..."

children grow to fast

sorry i have not been on in the last couple of days I broke my computer well its actually a laptop but any ways since than I have started potty training my little one.

The first two days were the hardest i think but as u go on you soon relize that you are not the only mother who has thought ur child to go to the bathroom.. so there is this great site for all of the ups and downs of either being a mom , dad , or care taker. There are even boards for loss and grife, for trying to get pregnant to being pregnant. Lost train of thought lol that happens alot to me. . .

 Back to what i had said before i lost track of my thought, i have a very fiesty 2 year old so i had thought potty training would be a pain my rear. So far not really but there are days i just dont feel like moving and its not her fault but i still get up and make sure she is fed and she goes potty..

 It seems like just yesterday i was finding out i was gonna have a baby at 18 which scared me but i did it any ways. I think i found out in one of the weirdest ways i thought possible i was at M.E.P.S for the Army and thats where i found out i fell to the floor and did not stop cry'n for at least an hour i thought my life was over, and i found out it was only the beging of something new and amazing..

 As i write this i am amazed at how much my life has changed not as a person but a parent as well i birthed a child who is a pain in the rear and i have raised her fed her and loved her when has not felt so good. i have only recently become a wife an army wife at that! this is not what i expected from my life but it is way better i love every minute well almost. I hate deployment it can kiss me where the sun does not shine lol..


p.s.

https/babycenter.com is a good website for moms and dads or people who lost there child in any way including a mischarrage

life as an army wife: Finding Faith in this world

life as an army wife: Finding Faith in this world: " Today was my cousins sons birthday, which by the way started out with drama. My poor cousin was so stressed out already about the party and..."

Finding Faith in this world

 Today was my cousins sons birthday, which by the way started out with drama. My poor cousin was so stressed out already about the party and her "friend" had called her with another situation so on top of throwing this birthday party that she had to move from outside to inside due to weather conditions. She had that on top of it. . .  She had to clean the bathroom before the party but her "friend" kept calling her away and I don't know her "friend" very well so i could not help her that way so instead I informed those I could about the sudden change in plans. I had also had to do some things but i wanted to be dressed and ready before the guests arrived only that didn't happen so after some of them arrived was i able to get dressed I had already got my daughter ready so all I really had to do was take care of my self and the one chore i was supposed to do , but never got around to doing it...

 So when finally every thing was looking up they dropped back down again yes that is  right something bad happened her guests that no one knew arrived and she was gone getting the cake, ice-cream , and pizza for the party and her boyfriend wasn't really there for most of the party he shows up late in a not so good mood and didn't really socialize with much of any one. My cousin disappeared out -side for a while I guess she was having a panic attack but she didn't tell any one. The good thing is the kids got to play out-side for a while wile she got every thing from dinner picked up and the table cleaned. . .  When it was time she gathered them up yes there is a good amount of kids in our family but back to the story than present time her son would not smile at all, all he wanted was to open the presents I understand he is only 4 but  this kid never smiles.

  It was getting neat cake time when one of the kids had to leave and the person who is taking care of her is a preachers wife well minsters wife came to pick the child up... So while I had the chance i asked her about her church, which if you know me is one of those no way you did what kinda things. So as i was asking her questions about her church I started to think would it be a good idea for me to introduce my child to this, would this help me through my husbands up coming deployment would I better understand my reason on this earth??? I think it might be a good way to have my daughter socialize with other kids but she is really shy and she is gonna hate having to get up before noon we are late risers only because I can not for the life or death of me get my child to take a nap..

 But still the question  in my head remains can one find religion in the world we live in now?


 

pre-deployment

This is my first blog so bear with me. To start off my name is Ally and I am an army wife, I have not been one for long so I dont know every thing there is to know about army life I just can tell you what I feel. My husband is deploying and I feel like life is about to end cause I know there is a chance of him not coming home and its always on my mind.

I don't know what I would do if he does not come home, he has a little girl who needs her daddy and a wife who loves him very much. Now I know that life is going to move forward but it doesn't mean that the ache subsides with in me. I know I must stay strong for my family but it will be tough at first i dont ever want to be the wife that is so used to it I no longer show any emotion when he leaves us. I want to be the one who crys her eyes out when he leaves and balls her eyes out when he returns home safely.

No matter what happens I will always proud of our military men and ladies who serve had served. It is because of them we are safe and because of them we can rest with out bombs going off over our heads and land mines out of our front yards, because of them our children can go out side and go to school.