This is a touchy subject for me but I feel like i must touch on it... when i was younger i was raped.. not going in to detail but i know that to this day i still feel like it is my fault.. if i had done this... if i had been better... if i was loved by god he would have protected me..All of these reasons flew through my head apart from one. . . ITS NOT YOUR FAULT...
Its almost been nine years since it had happened.. the man i was raped by is/was family , i had asked him what was sex. I had always asked questions and done what i could to better understand things and at that point in time in my life i wanted to know more about sex.. said man had apologized after it but continued to do it every time i saw him weather it be with his fingers or other parts. he claimed that demons made him do it to me and in my mind i had thought what he said was true and i never told a soul until i met my real mom i had thought most of my life that my aunt was my mom until i took since then i figured it out, and they all finally told me..
At first i felt this uncontrollable rage than i felt like the floor had just fallen from my feet... but i think most of all i felt relief for me this was a new start so for my 13th birthday i asked if said family could find her i only hoped that she would want me and my brother and would give me a reason for her leaving me and my brother.
i got kicked out of where i was staying so i had to move in with her and when i told her she was so mad that some one had touched me and i finally heard those words its not your fault... although i heard the words i did not feel it.. my mom told my dad and he said no way could said person do that she must be lying u do know that is all she does... but at least i had one person who believed me and that helped she asked if i wanted to go after him i felt like if i did i would lose my dad my brother and i would lose a part of my self. to this day i have not pushed going after him i felt like it was to late and no one believed me any ways so what was the point...
I realize the point was closer to the world of pain said man had brought upon me, the only justice i have is that he is dieing of some form of lung disease but to me that is not enough but i will take what i can ..i now know that rape will mess some one up so bad they will try to kill them self's i was one of them... i have learned allot in the past 9 years but one was to move forward but never forget the past cause some times it shapes us to who we will become and if we try to change for the better we might end up helping some one else in the process..
Some of what i have learned was from my family some from friends and some from my husband who has seen me at one of my worst times in my life..
I want to send out love to all those who have been affected by rape even if u dont report it please get help for your not the victem but know some one who was it could mean the difference between being a good friend and being a great friend who saved a life...
Its almost been nine years since it had happened.. the man i was raped by is/was family , i had asked him what was sex. I had always asked questions and done what i could to better understand things and at that point in time in my life i wanted to know more about sex.. said man had apologized after it but continued to do it every time i saw him weather it be with his fingers or other parts. he claimed that demons made him do it to me and in my mind i had thought what he said was true and i never told a soul until i met my real mom i had thought most of my life that my aunt was my mom until i took since then i figured it out, and they all finally told me..
At first i felt this uncontrollable rage than i felt like the floor had just fallen from my feet... but i think most of all i felt relief for me this was a new start so for my 13th birthday i asked if said family could find her i only hoped that she would want me and my brother and would give me a reason for her leaving me and my brother.
i got kicked out of where i was staying so i had to move in with her and when i told her she was so mad that some one had touched me and i finally heard those words its not your fault... although i heard the words i did not feel it.. my mom told my dad and he said no way could said person do that she must be lying u do know that is all she does... but at least i had one person who believed me and that helped she asked if i wanted to go after him i felt like if i did i would lose my dad my brother and i would lose a part of my self. to this day i have not pushed going after him i felt like it was to late and no one believed me any ways so what was the point...
I realize the point was closer to the world of pain said man had brought upon me, the only justice i have is that he is dieing of some form of lung disease but to me that is not enough but i will take what i can ..i now know that rape will mess some one up so bad they will try to kill them self's i was one of them... i have learned allot in the past 9 years but one was to move forward but never forget the past cause some times it shapes us to who we will become and if we try to change for the better we might end up helping some one else in the process..
Some of what i have learned was from my family some from friends and some from my husband who has seen me at one of my worst times in my life..
I want to send out love to all those who have been affected by rape even if u dont report it please get help for your not the victem but know some one who was it could mean the difference between being a good friend and being a great friend who saved a life...
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